You said:
Demand #1: Joint legal custody. Our response: No way Jose. The main reason for this is because when we first got divorced, he gave that up pretty readily. And since then, he's let the girls take pete's last name, which pretty clearly indicates he is okay with schools, doctors, etc not readily recognizing him as a father...and therefore wasn't anticipating trying to get involved in those aspects of his life. He is pretty irresponsible and since I'm the one who is going to miss work when they're sick, etc, so I feel I've earned the right to be the primary decision maker. We wouldn't have had more children if we'd thought he'd have the ability to weigh in on decisions (like what religion they are) that would undoubtedly affect our new son too.
My response:
This is something that he will get. And IS in the children's best interest.
You said:
Demand #2: Have his weekend start Friday at 5pm instead of Saturday at 8am. Our response: No, no, no.
My response:
This he will get. It's not unreasonable. It's not like he is asking for every week-end.
You said:
Demand #3: Have us share in the transportation. We said fine. He can pick them up 8am our house on Saturday, and me or Pete can pick them up at 5pm his house on Sunday (which shaves time off his visitation) because we would need to get them home in time to feed them and bathe them before bedtime.
My response:
That's not unreasonable, except that he will be picking them up on Friday (the judge will give him the full week-end, not just what you want him to have).
You said:
Demand #4: He said he wanted time on either the 24th, 25th, or 26th of December. We said, sure, you can have them from noon until 6pm on the 26th.
My response:
Your response is completely unreasonable and unfair. And won't be ordered by a judge. A judge will order ALL major holidays to be split. Get used to it.
You said:
The reasoning behind this is when we were divorced, he gave me the entire Christmas break holiday with the ability to visit the children in my home on Christmas day (which he has never exercised). And, I had more children based on the agreement we were already following. I wouldn't have had a third child if I thought he was going to be waking up on his own on Christmas morning. Granted I only celebrate the pagan aspects of holidays, but there is still a lot of fun traditions associated with them. I've got pretty fond memories of going out shopping for door busters on the day after Christmas with my mom, too. They are girls, they should have that.
My response:
And they can have that when it is your turn to have them. He is their father and he gets to share his families traditions with them, as well.
You said:
Demand #5: He said he wanted them during Christmas and winter breaks (end of February) every year. We said, you can have them for Dec 27th-29th on one year, and then 3 days during Winter break (excluding Nash's birthday) the following year. We're already at 4 1/2 extra days a now.
My response:
The judge will order them to be split. He will get them for the first half of the December break (yes, he will get them on Christmas, and Christmas Eve as well) every other year, on those years, you will have them the last half of the December break. Again, this is something that a judge will order.
You said:
This only provides him with 2 extra overnights a year, which is a good thing for me to keep limited if he takes me to court again.
My response:
If you tell a judge that, you may lose custody. This isn't about limiting his time, this is about doing what is best for the kids.
You said:
Demand #6: To claim the children on the tax exemptions every other year. Our response: hahaha.
My response:
This isn't an unreasonable request and one a judge will order.
You said:
Demand #7: To have the children's social security numbers. Our response: No, no, no.
My response:
As their father, he has the right to have their social security numbers. And a judge will order you to give it to him.
You said:
Demand #8: To rotate every other Easter and Thanksgiving. My response: I want them their birthdays, their half-brother's b-day, My husband's birthday, my birthday, Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, 4th of July, St Patrick's day, Halloween, and Valentine's day, and mother's day. If his weekend falls on one of these, he gets the next two weekends in a row (so I'm not getting any extra days by having these and they don't normally fall on a weekend anyway). He gets: Memorial day, Father's day, Columbus Day, Veteran's Day, Labor Day, and Martin Luther King day from 8am until 6pm. These always fall on Mondays, which he has never had before, so for him it's pure "extra" days.
My response:
A judge will either order the kids' birthday to be split (along with the holidays, you don't get to pick the ones you get all of the time like you want to do), either they are with him one year and you the next or the day is split between the two of you. I suggest you get used to sharing his kids with him. Because what he is asking for isn't unreasonable and will be granted by a judge.
You said:
I wouldn't have had a third child if I thought he was going to be hunting for easter eggs on his own on easter morning.
My response:
The fact that you have a third child is irrelevant. Your ex is their father and has every right to holidays, too. And you will be ordered to share them. Whether you like it or not.
You said:
I have taken both the girls to the Macy's parade every year since they've been born (Harper has been to four).
My response:
And you can continue to take them when it is your turn to have them for that holiday.
You said:
When it comes to things like Halloween and 4th of July, when they are older their friends (who undoubtedly will live near me) will have halloween parties or want to trick or treat together and I don't want them to miss out.
My response:
There is no reason for them to miss out. Their father can take them to these parties, take their friends trick or treating with him. Either the ones in your area or the ones in his area. Again, you aren't going to have a choice in the matter. You will have to share ALL of the holidays.
You said:
Demand #9: To have me "return" a bunch of personal paperwork of his that I never had (primarily because he never had it either). Why would I have a copy of his dad's death certificate if he never did?
My response:
Simply tell him you don't have it. It is up to him to prove that you do. And if he can, you will be in trouble for lying to the courts.
You said:
Demand #10: To tell him if we're going to move. The last time I checked, we were legally obligated to do that anyway. And, we'd have a good enough reason to move he wouldn't be able to stop us anyway, so sure, why not.
My response:
Just an FYI, you can't move without his or the courts permission. Well, you can, but the kids stay.
You said:
Demand #11: To not allow the girls to call my husband "Dad" and to force the girls to call their biological father "dad." Our response: HAHAHA. He has raised them since they were 2 months and 20 months old. He has earned the title.
My response:
Your husband is not Dad. Their father is.
You said:
Demand #12: To have first right of refusal. So, let's say I'm away because I'm traveling for business or personal reasons. That means if he fancies, he can come take the kids away and keep them at his house (even if it means pulling them out of school for a week or having his girlfriend watch them the majority of the time). Our response: You must be kidding. If this is the type of crap you pull after you get jealous cuz I go to NZ, we are never doing anything where we have to notify you of where I am.
My response:
This isn't unreasonable and will be granted by a judge.
I read the rest of your post.
If this goes to court, you are going to lose. What he is asking for is STANDARD visitation. And he IS going to get it.
Personally, if I were you, I would save the legal fees and just agree. You are being unreasonable and the court will see that.
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