Unlike child support, spousal support is often very difficult (if not impossible) to modify after the divorce is final, so getting it right the first time is a must!
I was reading your stuff,and It sounded like me a while back.I just want to say that you first need to pick up your self asteem,and get some confidence.Then you need to decide if you want to divorce him.or maybe get a job for yourself.He might not like the confidence in you when you get it,but you will need this first.Then you will know more what you want to do.