They Why's are the hardest - I've been wondering why for months - why did my husband of 20 years, have an affair with a 21 year old girl - and take it so far as to really consider leaving me for her? Well I know why he says, he needed his trophy and I had gotten older (38) and gained weight (just lost 51 pounds in 6 months). I am also the breadwinner, the disciplinarian, the house cleaner, the investor, the bill payer - I never had much time for myself.
The why's can kill you. A good friend of mine told me yesterday to bottle up the pain, bury it and mourn. Stop wondering why and wondering what is going to happen next. It's good advice, I laid awake all night last night wondering if this was possible for me to do?
One day at a time - so my why, is why am I so weak that I can't move on from a man who was paralyzed and in the hospital for 3 weeks, who I had to bath (etc) for 3 months, and all the while he was making his re-entrance to work so he could be with a 21 year old janitor?
Sorry, I'm babbling. But you can see as I type the why's are more destructive than a final decision on what to do next.