Divorce Support Forums: e-mail from my sons step-mom...

Mistake,
I thought I should let you know what happened last night as N was going to bed. Apparently he is not over the whole "J(my ex)" issue. Today he is going to W (his friend who lives a couple of houses down from my ex). Last night before bed he was saying how he can't wait to see W and he likes going over there but that it makes him mad. So I asked why does it make him mad, and he went on and on about J (my ex) :how he has a new girlfriend with kids and how he'd like to go over there and yell at J (my ex) because he isn't as weak as J thinks he is and warn the girlfriend and such. He said if it wasn't for J (my ex) being a "Bad father" (his way of saying abusive to the kids) that you would never have left him and that then you guys would still be up here and he could be with his friends and such. I tried to tell him that I'm sure there was more things going on about why you left him then just that he was a bad father that N wouldn't understand right now because he's a kid, but he insisted that was it and that you even thought of going back to him. Then I tried to get him to see the "positive things" of his life like a great new step Dad that he says he loves and that does things with him, 2 new siblings, a nice house, being able to go to Bush Gardens and Disney World, a whole new bunch of friends, etc. that he wouldn't have. Anyway he understood all that but still was "angry" about J.
Anyway, I just thought I'd prewarn you about it all. He says he won't go over there and I am hoping he won't.
My husband and I thought though that he was over this whole thing and that is why he doesn't attend counseling anymore?
Anyway, he comes home around 3pm or so from there because I am supposed to pick him up on my way home from work.
D

I already knew about my sons anger towards my ex...and haven't expected him to just get over the abuse that was inflicted upon our family.
I don't think she has any right to discuss that there may be other reasons why my ex and I got divorced, as honestly if my ex hadn't been abusive to the kids and myself then we wouldn't be divorced yet I don't want to discuss that with my kids period. Sometimes I think she throws things out there to try to jab at me...underlying sneakiness, as she was having an affair with my husband (her husband was best friends with mine and my husband & her had baby 3 months before N was born while we still married) and wants to make me out to be just as bad as her.
She also wanted to put my son in a mental institution a few years ago when he was having hard time dealing with the abuse and divorce...
but anyhow I e-mailed back:
Yes, I'm aware of all of this as N and I have discussed his anger many times. I think it's normal and don't expect him to just "get over" it. He will stay away from J's house...it's not that he misses what he had, it's that he's angry about the way it was taken from him. Anyway, thanks for letting me know.

Did I handle that well enough? Am I overthinking her "discussion" with my son?

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