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NHTom
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Reged: 06/10/08
Posts: 461
Loc: New Hampshire
Re: Just a rough day....
      06/27/08 12:24 PM (74.94.132.66)
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I'm just going to echo what mrpat said using different words.

Your situation sounds like co-dependency. You can be responsible for a child. You really can't be responsible for another adult. People have tried to be responsible for others and to fix others for thousands of years and the only thing it gets them is depressed or anxious.

Sometimes you JUST CAN'T HELP HIM. "If I could only say the right thing or do the right thing he might get it...." Stop bargining with the devil. He'll sell you a bill of goods. Your X will be even more messed up and you'll be that much more exhausted.

This is where that "One day at a time" thinking comes in handy. Your enabling him can't help him.

Your enabling him can't help him.
Your enabling him can't help him.
Your enabling him can't help him.

Have many times have you tried?

The logic is perfect. Still you care and your heart breaks for him and you want to do something.

I still want to reach out to my s2bx - like I've unsuccessfully done for 30 years. Our therapist said that a sign of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expect different results. "But, I'm crazy about her!"

I'm starting to actually let go. The weight is finally getting lighter and I'm starting to smile like I haven't for decades. The most scary and painful thing I've ever been forced to do. Sometimes it feels like I'm betraying every value I've ever held. But it's a necessary step towards health.

I hope this makes some sense.

Tom

--------------------
So much to forget...

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Subject Posted by Posted on
* Just a rough day.... redchair 06/27/08 11:26 AM
. * * Re: Just a rough day.... NHTom   06/27/08 12:24 PM
. * * Re: Just a rough day.... mrpat   06/27/08 11:43 AM

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