Divorce Support Forums: when is enough, just enough

For most of last week, my husband and I were either fighting or not talking. Most fights end in me telling him that I hate him for what he's done and that I think it's time for him to move out. Then, when I calm down I can't imagine him being gone. But, I don't trust him for what he's done and I don't believe he will not do it again. Having an affair is hard enough, getting caught over and over after saying you are done is even worse. Quitting your job and coming back home (he had been living in our camper in the next town over) after getting caught in bed with this girl at 2am is a sign of commitment right? But getting caught on another tracfone 2.5 weeks later looking for closure is not commitment? Not to mention we aren't the kind of family that can live on 1 income for long - it's been almost 2 months, not 1 interview and if I hadn't posted his resume, it wouldn't even be online. The other thing I can't get past is how he can or could have been willing to risk his life over and over again with a girl who is 21, and honestly comes from the slums. Trust me, had our son brought her home, based on what I knew of my husband for the last 20 years he would have met them at the door and turned them away. There is so much that doesn't make sense. I like black and white, this gray crap is killing me.

So, back to the camper, we are supposed to be going camping with our extended family for the 4th. It's paid for and until now everyone thinks we are going. I just don't know how I can stay in that camper, in that bed with him knowing he was in there with her. (Although, what is the big deal, HE was with her right?).

So, that's where I am at tonight - confused, angry, sad and scared. My mother says she is disappointed in how weak I seem to be while trying to get through this. Maybe she is right, but I can't seem to be able to find the strenght to move on or forgive.

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