Divorce Support Forums: Sat.blues

So today was one of "My" days with the kids . Since the debacle I have really been concentrating on them. We went swimming , to the park to feed the ducks , on the playscape ..ect. Thay had , at least what i think was great time. But the whole day I was omni present, kinda there watching and making sure that things went right, but never at one point did I feel any pleasure.I wanted so bad to share the the day with her . The one whe dispatched me to this unforgiving pain.

Funny thing is after the day was over we (my kids) talked, I was told by my oldest (12) that he likes the new Dad. I spend more time with them, I don't yell as much and he\they wish they could have more time with me. Well... that made me feel great!!! But as time wore on , as it does ,I began to have those "What if" feelings again. What if I didn't work so much , what if I was more emotionaly available, what if I gave more more flowers... what if. Well I'll tell you as much as i'm hurting right now (and today was one of those days , and you all know what i mean) my kids have once again saved me. I was at my lowest(again) and some how they did it again. I'm pretty young... (at heart) and the people who I still wipe gave me some of the best support. Funny how that "Karma" thing is,...is it not.

By the way this is probably the least "Mopey" post that I have made . That in in itself feels pretty damn good.

Whats up sandersa.

PS ... I can't type for s**t.

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