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For some reason the last few days, and especially today ... I am tempted to call her. She has sent emails (I did NOT reply).
It is strange. I have formed some circles of friends (none that are SUPER strong yet -- but more than I ever had in the past), but recently I have been missing the ex some.
I do not miss the mood swings, etc. ... all the bad stuff. I am missing holding her as I watch a movie. I am missing having something "bigger than me," in my life. Yes ... I am missing the myth, and I do know it is the myth that I miss (with a dose of reality mixed in)
I know that contacting her would be BAD. That it will open up all sorts of old wounds, and doors best left closed.
Yet ......
I do miss her pretty voice (and my ex. has a great voice). I miss having that situation where there is no words, just understanding .... even bad understanding. I can feel my codependent nature reaching out. I can also feel the memories of what once was ....... when it was filled with hopes and dreams.
--- I do know what is bringing this all up. I have been doing a lot of deep emotional work with my counselor. Tuesday is the anniversary of driving her to the airport. Many of my other single friends have recently started dating. Summer is a tough time as a teacher. My structure is tossed into disarray. The social aspect of work is gone. Summer is lonely (and I do teach summer school, but it is different).
-------------------- Today you are You, that is truer than true. There is no one alive who is Youer than You.
Dr. Seuss
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