Divorce Support Forums: Crying inside

I think it's important to recognize that there seem to be two types of leavers (IMHO).

First, there are the leavers who actively tried to save the marriage. Often, these are the people who were forced to deal with issues like alcoholism, abuse, infidelity, etc. They talked to their spouse about these issues, try to get them help or get the to straighten up, and eventually couldn't take the neglect anymore.

The second type of leavers are the "I don't want to work on it" type. Perhaps this is what Phyz is referring to with his situation. The leaver becomes unhappy, maybe suddenly or gradually...but instead of talking about it or working on it they just cut their loses and move on.

Honestly, I completely understand the first type. They should leave if the situation is not being addressed, if there is a threat to their/children's safety. The are being strong in their decision.

The second type though...the only thing I can think of is that some people are just selfish and/or don't want to face their faults and weakness. In other words, they want their spouse to change, but they don't want to change themselves.

In both situations, the leavee is often blindsided. In situations of the first type, the leavee is often so blinded by their own addictions, selfishness, etc. that they cannot see it coming. It is their fault for closing their eyes to the reality of their lives.

The fault for this shock, however, is not the leavee's in the second situation. How can you see it coming when you are dealing with a "master of illusion?"

Hang in there Phyzguy. I understand how you feel...I heard the same kinds of things from my friends. Sometimes, people are so good at putting on a mask that the fool everyone. Including their spouse. And usually, themself as well.

--------------------
She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love

Post Extras