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[quote]No matter what direction I turn, no matter where I go; forward, backward, or sideways for that matter, I still come to the same end result: alone, without my wife, whom i love more than my own life, and without anyone else who is special in my life to give me some hope to look forward to. [/quote]
B, you are special in your life. If you expect the people around you to make your happiness, you'll always be confused and possibly angry if they're not fulfilling your needs. You need to make you happy. YOU ARE SPECIAL! Get to know YOU and you might be surprised how happy you can make yourself. Really.
I found that journaling my feelings really helped me put things in perspective. And then when you go back and read things later, you can see how far you've come on the road to healing. Are you seeking professional help for yourself? Many people have found healing in therapy.