Divorce Support Forums: Help! stay at home dad with questions

Don't give her more than 40% custody on paper unless she is willing to give you long term and more alimony. Get it on paper asap. Ask for what is fair and you will get less than what is fair. Ask for the most you can get WITHOUT BEING UNREASONABLE and you might get what is fair. 70-30 is not unreasonable and granted way more often than 50-50. Sole custody is unreasonable and you don't sound like you want that. Most women expect lifetime alimony for a twenty year marriage, you have given up much career opportunity to enable her to galavant off at this point and +50 is not goingto be easy to find entry level job paying much. Asking for permanent AND rehabilitative alimony is not unreasonable. If you can prove being the defacto primary you have nothing to worry about. As soon as she can no longer manipulate you she may turn very vindictive so file asap. If she gets you off on the wrong foot in family court you will never recover, just get stuck trying to prove you're innocent. All she has to say is she "feels threatened" and you are out of there. File first and you can get an emergency hearing for the kids benefit in ten days, even ex-parte without her attendance if necessary. Best would be to file and have the process server call her and meet her to give her the papers without embrassment. Thirty days later she's setting up her own apartment replete with waterbed and oils, she'll get over some anger and might even be cooperative if new BF comes around.

Don't doddle. Ask the lawyers if they have gotten any fathers custody, how, and how they would do so for you. Did you check www.martindale.com? Use your credit cards to hire the best, all that will be paid for by her. Don't pay attention to "do what's right", "what's best for the kids". The court does not do the fair or right thing, it is a court of law not justice. Many will not grant 50-50 despite both parties wanting it. Only you know what is right and best for the kids and these kinds are things used to wear you down and convince you to agree to things that are not right for you and not best for you, or the kids. Write down the ?s you want answered so you can rattle them off in five minutes and get on the telephone tomorrow.

The courts view: You are lazy and did not do what a man should, support your family. You have possibly inappropriately handled the children, why else would you want to have them. You are not as equipped as a mother to parent, and not as financially able to support them as the heroic breadwinner and child bearer. You do nothave the inherent parenting skills that a mother inherits. You can fend for yoursellf, she will need help because she will have to take care of herself and the kids. She will have big child care expenses in order to work. She serviced you and supported you for a long time. You should be allowed to visit the children on weekends and a night here and there, it willbe better for them to be with their mother. If she has a steady boyfriend that is more stability for the kids. If her job requires her to move out of state that is in the kids best interest too. It goes on and on. Scare tactics? Check the statistics. You have an opportunity here for fairness because of the length of marriage, incom disparity, and you being the SAH. You need to move quickly, get good legal help, and not make any mistakes because everything else is aginst you.

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