Divorce Support Forums: i still love my husband

Well with 12 years of marriage and 17 years of dating, I have been called stupid, fat, ugly, I am a terrible parent, never good in bed, I beat him (plenty of pictures of my black eyes), I have done drugs, can't cook, I have nappy hair, too dark (he is dating a woman out of his race now)!!! Now this is all the things my husband told me over and over again and really told me when I found out he was cheating, He has told me how beautiful this woman is how good of a parent she is, she has such a beautiful home, her children are so well behave, how she takes care of him. I might add that every morning at 5 I made my husband breakfast, had his lunch packed and he came home each and every day to a hot dinner, and my children baseball, swimming, football, basketball, and dance, 4 days a week. I promise you he ate all of his food. Now this is him telling me the things that he is and he also told his new girlfriend about me and she actually believes him wow. Now if I am such a bad parent why do I also have my step children living with me and he has moved out, I have rehab paperwork on him (never did a drug in my life), I have police reports on him (never been to jail), Why did he stay with me for so long if I was bad in bed. I finally had to realize that everything he is saying is about himself, I have cried myself to sleep, loss weight, and barely go to work because I was letting all of this bother me. The bad thing about me is I would probably take him back. he still have keys and come on weekends for sex, and to see children due to he says he want to take my children over her house and no my children cannot go to this woman’s house, only been separated for 3 weeks but seeing this woman for 4 or 5 months, then Monday morning he say nasty things to me that way he does not have to call or come over during the week. When he does call he calls from a private number. Turned off his cell phone so we cannot get in touch with him. I know I should not be letting him come to my house for sex or anything, but if I don’t he will not help us with anything, I went to a lawyer but they want their money up front before they start with anything, so I am waiting this out until I come up with the $1500 for lawyer, and in Illinois we have property so I have to have a lawyer. Yes I work but the little money he does give me I do need we have over $4400 in bills a month and I cannot do this on my own, I want my house my children has been through too much already.

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