Divorce Support Forums: ex refused support, after 4 years wants support

The courts will attribute a reasonable income to you, and based upon that they'll order you to pay support. Your first child deserves support whether or not your first husband was willing to decline it on the kid's behalf, which he probably should not have done. I'm sorry to hear that your triplets have health problems, but that does not mean you still don't have an obligation to the first child.

And to make sure you pay that obligation, you probably need to not buy the little incidentals any more. You need to pay it as if it was really support, in dollars through teh support enforcement agency so that it all gets counted. it's nice that you know how to bargain hunt, and that's a great skill to share with whoever is your current husband, but you have no right to try to force your former husband to accept some bargain basement or goodwill clothing in lieu of $50 worth of cash that could be used to put food on the table... and you can't require him to accept food bank cheese if he wants to provide organic vegetables on that table...

There's a woman on here whose ex wants to pay $50 a month (which would be a huge raise) for a teen, and wants part of that to be in the form of school supplies, because apparently he thinks he can buy tennis shoes for $10 a pair and that will last through the school year. It's quite possible that the "wardrobe" the father provides in lieu of support will end up sitting in the kid's closet all year because ... well, teens are a little picky, plus Mom will ahve to buy more to supplement the stuff that Dad gets for him, so if Mom spends $30 on a pair of shoes and $25 on a pair of jeans, do you think the kid si going to wear the $10 shoes and the $7.50 jeans? So the "bargain hunting" in lieu of child support is just a sham... it's not actually helping the child at all. And it's quite possible the kid will feel embarassed at the quality of his father's shopping for him... You really dont' want to have to face this issue as your oldest gets older and starts to realize what's happening, why she has a bunch of poorly fitting stuff in her closet every eyar when school starts, for example... or why there's bargain brand toothpaste in the closet while her Dad & stepmom tell her to use the floride enhanced Crest that they supply.

If the child support obligation is supposed to be $100 a month, it's not fair for you to say you'll give him $50 a month and shopping services to stretch that out. It's HIS decision what to spend that $100 a month on.

But before you get worried about it, put a reasonable waitress income into the formula along with his income and the parenting time that you have. You might find that the support amount isn't even as much as you've been spending to this point. And if he insists on getting $$ for support instead of THINGS, then give it to him. Stop buying the THINGS... let Dad do it.

I'm not trying to be heartless. It's just that... well, if there were a man on here who said he moved away when he divorced, leaving his child with the higher-earner mother and not paying any support, whatsoever... and now he's back with new triplets who have health problems and his ex wants support now but he can't afford any ... well, I think there'd be about 50 women or so jumping down the poor guy's throat about not supporting his child. Your situation is no different just because you are a woman.

I'm not jumping down your throat, just reminding you how you'd feel if the tables were turned and it was HIM who was trying to not pay support and YOu who were the primary parent.

Plug the numbers into the formula and see what kind of numbers you're looking at before you get too worried. And no, they probably will NOT be able to get your husband's wages garnished in order to pay it... and they can not force you to work... but they CAN order you to pay... and you will have to pay from WHATEVER SOURCE you have... if you work for it, then fine... if you work JUST long enough to earn enough to pay it because your husband's 2 jobs pay enough to make things work for your new family, then fine... if you choose not to work then you'll have to ask your husband to pay it for you or else you'll end up being in contempt... or maybe you can find it somewhere else... they won't force you to work, but they will force you to pay...

Because whether or not you can afford it, the kid still ahs to eat.

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