[quote][quote]I have no idea how my STBX is going to be as a single father. He may 'step up to the plate' or he may cop out. We are having written into our agreement 'first right of refusal' which means if the parent with DS needs a babysitter they must first ask the other parent. This is a good idea for two reasons: 1) I would rather DS be with a parent rather than a sitter, and 2) I can keep track of how often STBX needs to hire a sitter.
I have been searching websites for ideas on custody/visitation schedules but most sites just say do what is right for the child/ren. That doesn't really help when the parents disagree.[/quote]
One thing that you need to know is that once you establish a status quo, it is hard to change. In other words, if 50/50 physical isn't working for the child, you can't change it without the other parent agreeing to it or the courts agreeing to it. And the courts will only agree to it if there is a significant change of circumstances.
In other words, if he's hiring a sitter most of the time the child is with him, there's nothing you can do about it. That's not significant enough to change the custody arrangement.
Since the two of you don't agree, you will probably go to mediation and try to come to an agreement.
My suggestion is to write up a list with 3 columns. One would have the non-negotiable items that you won't budge on (right of first refusal is an example, that week-ends are alternated, even with a 50/50 physical custody arrangement, this way both parents get "fun"time with the child), items that you would like to have, and items that you really don't care about.
One of the things that I would do if I were in your shoes and going to do 50/50 physical custody is that it is done gradually. Your child is already having to adjust to you and your stbx no longer living together, making a drastic change like changing who his primary caregiver is half the time is only going to add to the stress. This way, you can see how your son is going to handle this type of schedule. What are you doing now? [/quote]
you said 3 columns, what are the other two columns?
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