Divorce Support Forums: Is it wrong that I want to leave?

[quote]When I think back there were so many red flags that I wrote off as moods or just his personality. But I am starting to see the cycle: I say something or ask something he doesn't like, I get the silent treatment, I try to figure out what's wrong - do something to try and change his mood, he snaps and starts an argument over anything - even bringing up issues that had been closed and is totally unwilling to discuss a solution but focuses over and over on what he thinks was done to him. Then he'll come back and say he knows he's a little rough and he'll work on it. Then we make up and the cycle starts all over again.

*****WARNING*****WARNING******WARNING***

He refused to go to counseling (sound familiar) with his wife because it wasn’t his problem –

*****WARNING******WARNING******WARNING*****

Like the title of my post says – I don’t want to work anything out …I am ready to cut my losses and work on recovery for me and my daughter.

*****NO REASON TO HESITATE HERE EITHER******

He chooses to control his anger and he chooses how he responds to me and my daughter, and how and when he chooses to lie. Even if he gets counseling which I hope he does, I don’t want anything to do with him. I was totally taken by his charm and the façade he presented – I foolishly let my heart decide. I am a little sad about it, a lot angry for any negative impact on my daughter, and grateful that I’m able to walk away before anything worse happens. [/quote]

Yes, he needs counseling. Will he ever seek it? Probably not, he states he doesn't have a problem and counseling won't help him anyhow if he can't admit there is a problem.
You need to get some counseling so that you don't continue to repeat your own cycle. Something made you choose this type of man, something made you ignore the warning signs, and you need to determine what personal changes you can make in order to not pick his type again.
Your daughter needs counseling too. Hopefully she hasn't been in this situation long enough for it to have impacted her for the rest of her life...but now is the time to seek the counseling so she can move past it in a healthy manner.
My 2nd ex was a lot like this. He too states that he doesn't have a problem. Unfortunately we have children together that still have to put up with the abuse he dishes out. Sounds like that won't be an issue for you, however I do wonder if you'll be able to stay away from him. Sometimes men (or women for that matter) like this can be so convincing of their love and how sorry they are that their mate is confused and follow their hearts instead of their brains. I normally stay away from giving specific "leave" advice, but in this case I see it so clearly from the point of view of your child and yourself that I say run, run, run...don't walk, run and don't look back.

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