Divorce Support Forums: My Parents Are Divorcing

Hello.

I am 21, second oldest of 5 kids (22, 18, 16, 9).

My parents have been having problems for many years now. It has not come out in the open, but my dad has not been faithful to my mom. None of my other siblings know this. They just know that they don't get along. My mom and I are very close and she has been keeping me filled in on what is going on; my dad is a closed book. I asked that she keep me filled in, I don't want anything to come as a surprise and the more knowledgeable I am of the situation the more I can help out with the other kids when they need it. My parents haven't come out in the open about the divorce yet but it's going to happen. My older brother knows this and my 16 year old brother knows. My sister and baby brother know something is wrong but don't know what. I love my parents dearly but I secretly think this would be better for them. They have been bickering with each other for as long as I can remember, plus the affairs (dad).

My dad owns his own business. My mom hasn't worked in 20 years. My mom is very scared about not being able to find work afterward. It is not a secret that us kids are closer to my mom. During the prime of his career my dad traveled every week and even over the past several years he's thrown himself into his work. He is a workoholic! He just doesn't really know how to connect with us. Over the past 2 years I have tried really hard to make our relationship better and it has been better. My 16 year old brother can also connect to him through sports (my dad is a coach and my brother does this specific sport). My older brother and my dad don't get along at all. They never talk and my brother says that once they are divorced he won't have anything to do with him. My baby brother gets along fine with him and so does my sister - no qualms there. My mom and us kids are a bunch of free spirits - We're very laid back, easy going, friendly, supportive and big animal lovers (trust me, that little fact is important). My dad can be tough and not understanding, very money and work minded. He has huge issues with our pets (we have had tons of animals and currently we have a dog, 5 cats and a rabbit and he treats them as if they don't exist or that they are extremely bothersome). My mom bases everything around us kids; she will say it till she is blue in the face that "we are everything to her".

I was living on my own last year but due to unfortunate circumstances I had to move back home. I planned on getting a job, making some money and getting back out on my own. The town I live in is really small and it's Michigan. It's nearly impossible to get a job here. We are probably one of the most well known families in the city and it's still impossible. My brothers and sisters can't find anything either. This has been a huge issue for my dad and he fights with my mom about it a lot. He is constantly on her about getting on us about getting jobs. I can tell you that I have applied at just about every single business around even though they all told me they wouldn't be hiring. So therefore, I haven't had money to move out again. I want to move out just to get away but I also feel that God may be keeping me from getting a job so that I can be around for my siblings. Parents, is it really that big of a deal that I am home? I'm a college student, taking time off of school. I'm home due to circumstances that were out of my hands. I don't ask my dad for money and I help out around the house. My mom and nana (my mom's mother lives with us) say they are really thankful to have me hear but I feel like a burden, one more mouth to feed. My dad feels that my brother sister and I should all have jobs and be supporting ourselves by now but really, how many young adults our age are doing this? Only one friend of mine that I can think of, but she is married and her parents are insane. Last week I got really sick (I hardly ever get sick). I tried to take care of it myself for a week but it got worse. I needed some money to take myself to the doctor so I asked my dad for some. He didn't seem bothered by it at the time but he told my mom later that if I had a job I would have been able to pay it myself.

I guess you can sense that I blame my dad mainly for this divorce. Even though he is the one who has cheated, he is the one who has filed for divorce. My mom has stuck by him through every affair and I have an inkling that he is still cheating (just not as much). He is the one who has the problem with everything. I don't want to blame my dad. I don't want to blame anyone. I feel bad for my dad because I don't want him to feel like he is hated. If they split, my brothers will both want to go with my mom and my mom has said that any of us could. She is sure that she will move back out to California where her family is since she would have a house to go to (her father left his house to my mom and uncles). Apparently my dad has mentioned that he wants to leave Michigan and head for warmer weather (He won't talk with any of us kids about any of this, he ignores the fact the we know). I guess I'm asking, is there anything I can do for my dad to not make him feel alone once they have split? I don't want him to feel hurt that no one really wants to live with him. Of course there will be visits with the younger kids and my sister and I would visit him. My sister might even stay in Michigan for a while to go to school.

I know this is a lot to read and a lot of information. I tried to give some background and some specific examples. Any input would be nice! Thanks!

Post Extras