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When we are the ones who want to stay, work on the marriage, are still in love, but instead are left - it’s like an addict without his drug.
Early divorce is a lot like withdrawal. We tremble, shake, can’t eat, can’t sleep. The one thing we want – our spouses – we can’t have. We know we should give them up – that they’re bad for us – but we keep coming back for more.
Like addicts, we need to experience the cold turkey of going without before we can heal. Detox centers house addicts like they are babies, keeping sharp objects away from them, letting them sleep, lots of counseling, one-on-one and groups.
I felt so fragile during those early days and my very flesh craved my ex. Not for sex, just to be held. I felt like I should be in some sort of rehab unit – sheltered, away from society – so broken.
In time, with distance, I saw the wisdom of my giving up my ex. Like a bad drug, he poisoned me. He subdued me to the point of friends questioning why I wasn’t myself around him. As long as I was around him, I’d keep coming back for more.
On my own, over months, I learned to live without him. I realized how much I’d given away to him with nothing in return. So much like a bad habit. Now, 2 ½ years separated, I can tell you, I have kicked my addiction.
Life really is beautiful and that monkey off my back is such a relief. But I had to learn to live without before I could truly live.
Happy Independence Day!
-------------------- The sweetest thing you'll ever see in the whole wide world is a happy girl.
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