[quote]how do I tell them no more having me in the middle without risking my time with the kids?[/quote]
I think it's time you told them to grow up and not put you in the middle. Tell them your going to stop playing referee between them. You will be there for the grandkids if either of them needs help but no more playing middle man. A day care provider wouldn't put up with it and neither should you. I've never really commented on any of your post but from afar it sounds like she has controle issues and you son has a problem over coming that so you step in. Your son is going to have to put his foot down at some point. I think someone told you that weeks ago. I'm not trying to be harsh ( I know you love your son and grandkids) but I think until you step back and let him have more controle of himself you will be the ref.