Divorce Support Forums: husband, need help bad

my wife and i have been married for almost 5 years. i never expeceted to get married in the first place. i guess i was never strong enough to breakup with her. she is 7 years older than me (i'm 35). we have a 4 year old boy. she went to a fertility clinic the month after we got back from our honeymoon. we had a successful birth the following year. we have had 3 miscarries since, all with the help of a fertility doctor.

during our dating period, her father was diagnosed with terminal brain cancer. i could not bring myself to leave her, because she frequently said things like "i just want to my dad to walk me down the aisle..." ect. her father passed away 2 months after we were married.

i always felt, if i could make her happy, i would be satisfied with my lot in life. but we argued, and continue to argue, a lot. this feeling of guilt, has eaten away at me for a long time. we have been seeing a theripist for over a year. i have been waiting for the theripist to see my pain and try to open up the subject that i am not strong enough to open.

my wife is not a bad person. i do not hate her. despite what i think was a mistaken marriage, we were blessed with a wonderful child. however, i do not feel i am doing anyone any favors at all by staying together. i walk around the house miserable. i cannot be initimate with her, mostly because i feel like such crap about myself. she has been growing distant with me as well, but i'm sure that she doesn't know the whole story behind my sadness.

i am positive if i bring up the subject of divorce, she will, with plenty of reason, be extremely upset. i just don't want my son to grow up in a home where it is obvious the parents don't want to be together.

i have never hit her, even in our worst arguements. i have broken dishes, as has she. we both have a pretty bad temper, but lately, we just try to avoid eachother. i have also never been unfaithful, and i'm certain that she has not either.

i would like to have more children, but we cannot do so. i am also getting resentful about our age difference.

i have no idea what to do. i do not want my (potentially), only child to grow up without / hating, his father.

please help.

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