Divorce Support Forums: i still love my husband

Your Husband sounds like a Narcissist.

http://www.narc-attack.blogspot.com/

And you sound as though you are betrayal bonded to him.

http://soundingcircle.com/newslog2.php/__show_article/_a000195-000673.htm

Love addiction is not healthy Love.

http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Peabody5.html

Cognitive Dissonance is our brains way of rationalizing and justifying staying with someone who betrays us or abuses us.

http://changingminds.org/explanations/theories/cognitive_dissonance.htm

You sound as though you may have what is called a Narcissist Victims Syndrome and only YOU can break the cycle of abuse...but only IF you can stop calling it love.

http://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/10872.php

Some of us just don't know what a healthy relationship looks like or feels like after YEARS of being abused by our "loved ones".

Just a humble reminder to all...

http://www.asktheinternettherapist.com/counselingarchive_relationships_e-counseling.asp

Characteristics of Healthy Relationships:
by Jef Gazley, M.S. LMFT, DCC

1.Each person allows for the individuality of each partner within the relationship.

2.Experiencing both oneness with and separateness from their partner.

3.Other relationships are seen as no threat.

4.Bringing out the best qualities in their partner.
Each partner has the ability to accept endings, if necessary.

5.Experiencing openness to change and exploration both in the individual and in the relationship.

6.Inviting growth in their partner.

7.Experiencing true intimacy in the relationship physically, intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.

8.Feeling the freedom to ask honestly for what they want.

9.Being able to experience giving and receiving in the same manner.

10.Not attempting to control or change the other person.
Encouraging self-sufficiency of others. Adults don't need each other in a dependent fashion. They simply want to be with each other.

11.Accepting limitations of self and partner.

12.Not attempting to seek unconditional love in relationships. This type of love is really parental love. Parents accept any behavior from a child and will still love and accept them. Adults demand to be treated with dignity in order to stay in a relationship.

13.Able to accept commitment.

14.Each person having a high self-esteem.

15.Trusting the memory of the beloved, enjoying solitude.

16.Expressing feelings spontaneously.

17.Welcoming closeness, risking vulnerability.

18.Able to care with detachment. They don't feel responsible for each other.

19.Affirming equality and personal power of self and their partner.

Does this sound like your marriage? It wasn't mine either...so don't think I am judging you...just trying to help based on what I see and what I have learned the HARD WAY!

Hope it helps someone in some way.

I only WISH I knew about half of this 20 years ago!

Better late than never~!

Heart On

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The first step to getting the things you want out of life is this: Decide what you want.
Ben Stein

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