Divorce Support Forums: feeling the money crunch & in poor taste comment

My husband & I disagree about this one. He says your husband was probably reasonably trying to share his concerns and expressing a little bit of cold feet in relation to the current financial concern and wanting to let you konw that he takes full responsibility for the decision, which he thinks might not have been at the right time.

I agree with you that it was insensitive and it doesn't matter how much he wants to share his feelings of cold feet with you and take blame for something he thinks might have been a decision made at the wrong time... that what the HECK did he want you to do? You have to figure out how to HAVE this baby in peace and not deal with his cold feet.

But isn't cold feet over impending parenthood, even if REPEATED parenthood... isn't is a common concern? For women, also? I mean, doesn't the change about to take place not give you a little pause of your own? Every big step naturally comes with a little last minute jitters! Not that women should have to be subjected to thier spouses' cold feet at just THIS moment... THIS is the moment when you need HIS certainty about the decision... becasue it's not like you can change anythign about it ... not like you can go into a separate room and escape from it for a few minutes to collect your thoughts and then come back to reality and realize that the decision was a good one and that you WANTED this child... When you walk into your study for some private contemplation and to get a little distance, the thing from which you need a few minutes of independence follows right along with you! Whether or not it's fair, and my husband agrees with me on this part... this is a moment when men need to figure out how to handle thier jitters on their own!

And his current expression of it has a tinge of reality in the current financial crunch that makes it more troublesome, so maybe it's harder for you this time around.

Calm down. These things tend to work out. It takes more work, putting your nose to the grindstone, doing your part (and right now, your part means sitting there, gestating properly and letting him do all the prep work on the rentals). He might not end up gettign to take all the time off for the new baby that you had hoped, but in the grand scheme of things, in the tough economy, isn't that what men have always done? Sacrificed their ability to relax with the family in order to support the family?

As soon as you're ready, you'll be right back in there with him, cleaning out the empty units and getting them ready for new tenants... but for now... for this next month and a half, you simply have to trust that it's going to work out... and of course cut back on the luxuries. (Maybe the 16 year old would accept a smaller birthday party in deference to the family finances?... not that it saves enough to pay all the mortgages, but in tough times, even tiny bits of help can be a big help... and it really makes kids feel like part of the responsible family to help out like that EVEN IF they whine about it.)

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