Divorce Support Forums: I need some help

I have been doing some thinking and some research but I need some help/advise. Here is my story and I am going to say up front that I have not been perfect. I have been married almost 12 years but dated off and on for 19 years. I left him when we were dating because he was in an accident and I had to take over his farm instead of persuing my dreams. I did not get paid for it and once he got doing better he even told me when I could and could not go and visit my family. So I said enough of that. So I ended it but did hook back up with him like 2 or so years later (thanks to some of my friends) and my friends were all getting married so when he asked guess what I said "Yes." Was I real happy no but I thought I have got to try and work things out because of my religion and my mom was real against me doing anything different. She told me the first 7 years were the hardest and I needed to stick it out. I have to say that he is gone on out of state hunting trips like 5 weeks out of the year and he does what he wants to do and we have not been on a vacation together. Since we have been married I have only taken 2 vacations one in 1997 and the other in 2000. So yes I have not been on a vacation since spring of 2000. I have to tell you that I was also in school for 4 years getting my nursing degree but I have to tell you that I worked full time the whole time I was in school. Also I have to tell you we were seperated a year and a half after we were married and one other time since. We did go to counceling but it did not get us anywhere. He made it feel as though I was the problem. I also brought up the vacation thing and he has been going out of state hunting for the last 11 years. I said I would like to go on a vacation sometime an his response was that I needed to find a second job then (and I am a nurse). He just spends the money and thinks nothing of it. Well, now comes the bad part on me....I have not been faithful to him and he has no clue about it. I did it when I was in school several years ago and recently (a little time ago). The first guy I spent time with him because he listened, etc. but I knew it was not going to go past us just having a fling but this guy I met some time ago now it has the potential but he wants me to be unattached and that is actually something I wanted sometime ago but it never happened. So I need to know what I should do anyone have any advise for some failure like me? I have to tell you no kids involved I wanted a kid and he said after we had been married 5 years we were not going to have kids because he could not continue to go out hunting. I am still young enough to have a child but I have to think about this in the next couple years. So anyone tell me what they think I should do and how and what I need to do.

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