Divorce Support Forums: common reasons why abused women stay

Situational Factors:
Fear of retaliation toward her and her loved ones.
Economic Dependence.
May be killed if she attempts to leave (or children may be killed).
Fear of emotional damage to children.
Lack of affordable, alternative housing and childcare.
Lack of job skills and education.
Social isolation resulting in separation from family or friends.
LACK OF INFORMATION REGARDING ALTERNATIVES.
Fear of involvement in court process.
Cultural and religious constraints.
"Kidnapping" by the non-custodial parent.
Abuse directed toward children during visitation.
No support systems in place.

Emotional Factors:
Loneliness.
Insecurity over potential independence and lack of emotional support.
Guilt about failure of marriage/relationship.
Fear that husband/partner is not able to survive alone.
Belief that husband/partner will change.
Ambivalence and fear over making formidable life changes.
Societal reinforcement of couples;fear of being labeled a "divorcee".
Low self-esteem
DENIAL AND MINIMIZATION - "It's really not THAT bad."
Pressure and stress from family, children, friends, etc.
LACK OF DECISION MAKING SKILLS
"For better or for worse - until death do us part."

Some of you may know from reading past posts that I worked on a victims rights advocate team called DART - Domestic Assault Response Team. I WAS BEING ABUSED AND STILL COULD NOT SPEAK UP TO FAMILY AND FRIENDS ABOUT WHAT WAS GOING ON. It took me a long time to leave because of many of the above reasons, and in the end what made me stay away was not the abuse - it was his cheating. Why? because I kept hoping he would change. There is help out there, you just need to look for it. I didn't go to a shelter or turn to anyone, I was too ashamed and felt too proud - my situation was not life/death but it was escalating.
Don't be afraid to speak to family and friends, don't be afraid to ask for help, don't be afraid to seek out answers, DO be afraid that the violence will escalate, DO be afraid as to what this is doing to your children. Most of all DO get help.
Holly

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