Divorce Support Forums: Trying to help a friend

GRRRR, sitting there reading over my post and <POOF> the power flickers!!

Well, I typed the long version, this time it is the short version LOL.

About a week ago a friend of mine woke up to find a note from his wife that she went to the library and took the kids with her (2 girls under 3 and a newborn son). While that was true it seems, what she went there for was to call her sister who lives down in Vancouver (we are in the Seattle area) to come pick them up. Due to the van my friend owns being parked in a different area of the apt. complex he was confused when she never showed back up with the van for him to go to work.

His wife's family is from one of the former Russian states and he has 3 sisters-in-law, 2 of them local who are of the "you don't leave your husband" mindset and the other one in Vancouver who is not at all that way. When one of the local ones said she didn't know where she was but that she did get a call saying that she had left him and took the kids he was able to figure out where she was. He called the Vancouver brother-in-law at his business and he said that they were indeed there and he wasn't happy about it (he is Persian and also of the "you don't leave your husband mindset).

The friend is really messed up and confused as there is nothing other than bad finances going on. He said she has done this kind of thing 3 times before to smaller degrees and it seems to always happen a few months after they have a kid although it did happen once before that.

They have been married a little over 5 years and while he admits that he does love his wife, at this point all he cares about are the kids. He grew up with a mother who refused to let his father see him (or made it next to impossible) and he doesn't want that for his kids. The Brother-in-Law convinced her to let him talk to his oldest daughter and he felt a lot better. The only conversation between the wife and hubby was basically asking her "Why are you doing this? Why now?" and she basically just said "you can't take care of your family". He said it lasted about 45 seconds before she hung up. Still, he felt a little better because he got to talk to his daughter.

She basically won't talk to him and the Brother-in-law told him she said she was going to apply for Welfare and WiC down there (they already get WIC up here). He called some lawyer who told him it would cost $4000 for a divorce and when he mentioned the welfare thing he was told that he needed to file some kind of paper up here or something to keep her within a certain distance and that if she gets welfare down there FIRST he will be stuck driving 2 hours+ each way if he wants to see his kids. I don't quite understand it all and he is just overwhelmed. He doesn't have that kind of money, doesn't even know if divorce is where this is going to go. He just doesn't want to lose his kids.

So last night he tells me that the Brother-in-Law told him that they are no longer there and that noone is telling him anything because they know it will get back to the husband. So now he has NO clue where they are and she has essentially kidnapped the kids. He is so distraught it makes me feel so bad for him. He doesn't know what to do to protect his relations with the kids which is all that really matters to him at this point. She made this decision, the kids didn't and that is killing him.

Any help would be greatly appreciated. Point me in the right direction to help him protect what is important to him - his relationship with his kids. The rest can be sorted out eventually but he is just terrified of the thought of never seeing his kids again.

Thanks a bunch!!!

Todd

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