Divorce Support Forums: handling a child that is torn between 2 homes

This is SUCH a hard thing for you. I understand. Maybe you could bond with stepmom over some of this? I hear from judges & lawyers that the steps can sometimes bond with the births and keep the exes out of it? I mean, on a woman to woman level, we communicate in more emotional ways than men are able to communicate anyways. (which is not to say they're less emotional than us, just that they communicate it differently and it sometimes makes i tharder for us to relate)... maybe,

I just can't help but think your ex really wantso to be a good father or he wouldn't ask for so much time...

And it's possible... I don't want to insult you, but it's possible... that your daughter is tellign you that she doesn't want to spend time with her dad because she knows how you feel about him.

People on here have found that before, so it's not a huge revelation... that she tells you one thing and him another thing. It's self-preservation for a kid who is the subject of a custody battle. it's SO hard for you, for either of you, to hide your personal feelings from her, so it's clear that she knows what you want to hear, or what she THINKS you want to hear about this.

But the alternative is... maybe offer to change visiation with the father... if he really doesn't have a comfortable time with her... offer to keep the child support amount the same, but make it possible for him to have less time if he wants... if he can keep more money and be a disney dad, maybe that will help out?

Look, that's really better advice for a person whose ex has not just become a new dad again.

Remember that this child is being pushed aside for the new babies, and that's natural, and might have even happened in your own family if you were still with him and had gotten pregnant again. Gosh... this is a toughie... what she's going through is normal and she is using it to play you off against each other because of the divorce...

Gosh... what to do... maybe, hmmm... I guess my original advice still stands, but the real trick is for YOU to try to ignore your instincts to protect her from this becasue it's a normal thing and NOT a divorce thing... and try to pull together with the ex & the step on this, and STILL find a way for all the adults in this situation to present a united front to her.

I think that even with the problems you've described, you've gotta still do the same thing. the problem is, how to nip it in the bud that THEY may not be paying enough attention to her and at the same time nip it in the bud if the REAL issue is that SHE is using the opportunity of having that new big sis sibling rivalry thing to learn how to play you off against each other.

Maybe that will work? Let me know.

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