About 3.7 million businesses in the United States are owned by husband and wife teams, according to the Bureau of the Census, so many of these businesses are going to be involved in divorce settlements at one time or another.

Here are a few considerations that a couple must make when end a marriage but a save the business they worked hard to build. The spouses need:

> Mutual respect earned through open communication, predictability and compassion.

> Professional, therapeutic help because the divorcing spouses cannot take time off to mourn the death of their marriage.

> A written agreement (if one isn’t in place already) that outlines how the business will be run, how each party will be compensated, how decisions will be made and what happens in certain circumstances like incapacitation.

> A good talk with employees, letting them know what is happening and reassuring them that business will continue.

Divorce has a tremendous impact on women’s health. Every year, an estimated 115,000 women lose private health insurance in the months following divorce, and about 65,000 of them remain uninsured for the long-term, according to a study that appeared in the Journal of Health and Social Behavior.

Even two years following the breakup of a marriage, many women still have no or inadequate health insurance. The Journal of Health augments “…the body of evidence that the current healthcare and insurance system in the United States is inadequate for a population in which multiple family and job changes over the life course are not uncommon.

“As a result, life events such as job transitions, marital transitions, and the onset of health problems allow individuals to slip through the cracks.”

The authors looked at marital status and health insurance coverage over time among 1,442 women to examine how their health insurance changed after divorce.

Previous research has demonstrated that people often experience poorer health following divorce and that women are more likely than men to suffer a decline in economic status after divorce. The new study is one of the first to show the impact of marital breakups on health insurance coverage.

“Just over half of workers get employer-based coverage, and a lot of people access health insurance coverage through other people’s employer-based coverage,” says Bridget Lavelle, a co-author of the paper and doctoral candidate in public policy and sociology at the University of Michigan-Ann Arbor. “One in four women are insured through a family member’s health insurance coverage. It’s important for people to be aware that this is something that could be lost if a marriage dissolves.”

Some of the women who lose health insurance coverage following divorce are employed. But they may not have employer-based coverage or, prior to the divorce, they may have chosen to access their spouse’s plan rather than their own. “Women who are employed and are offered employment-based coverage have a higher rate of declining that coverage and accepting coverage through their husband’s policy,” Lavelle says. “They are expecting their husband’s coverage to be more comprehensive or be a better value.”

Most experts think prenuptial agreements are most common for second marriages; however, numbers show that a large number of people younger than 35 are getting prenuptial agreements.

Prenuptial Agreements describe the terms and conditions governing the division of property following a divorce.

Prenuptial agreements are most popular for the following age brackets among people 26 to 32, with 23 percent of the clients seeking prenuptial agreements.

Here is a breakdown by age of these seeking prenuptial agreements: 18-25, 11 percent; 26-32, 23 percent; 33-39, 21 percent; 40-46, 18 percent; 47-53, 14 percent; 54-60, 6 percent; 61-67, 2 percent
; and 68 and above, 1 percent.

The median age for a first marriage in the United States is 26. Most second marriages (i.e. where at least one of the spouses has been married before) occur after the age of 35.

Over recent decades, the make-up of families has changed significantly in North America, Europe and the rest of the industrial world. The general trend is for people to marry, divorce and have children later than they did forty years ago. Here are some of the highlights of these trends:

Age of Marriage and Divorce: Between 1960 and 2000, the average age of marriage rose by four years for men and five years for women. The average age of first marriage was 30 for men and 28 for women in 2000, up from 26 and 23 respectively forty-years previous.

There have been fluctuations during these years, however. The average age for both genders dropped in the 1970s and 1980s but increased since. In 2000 the average age of a second marriage after a divorce was 45 for men and 42 for women; with the average age for those marrying for a second time after being widowed 61 and 55, respectively.

The older couples are when they marry the higher the age difference between them tends to be.

Average Length of a Marriage: The average length of a marriage that ends in divorce was between 11 and 12 years in 2004. In 1971 this was between 23 and 25 years, so it has roughly halved over this period.

Number of People Getting Married: The number of people getting married (whether in a relationship or not) is falling dramatically. It has fallen by a quarter over the last 15 years. About 15 percent of couples that live together are not married.

Having Children: Between 1971 and 2003 the average age for first time Mothers increased from 25 to 27, while the average age for first time Fathers increased from 29 to 33 with 40 percent of children currently born to parents not married and just over half of divorced couples are couples that have children.

According to the Pew Research Center, barely half of all adults in the United States—a record low—are currently married, and the median age at first marriage has never been higher for brides (26.5 years) and grooms (28.7). Based on an analysis of U.S. Census data, Pew said that in 1960, 72 percent of all adults over 18 were married; “today just 51 percent are,” and if this trend continues, “the share of adults who are currently married will drop to below half within a few years.” Meanwhile, other adult living arrangements—including cohabitation, single-person households and single parenthood—have increased in recent decades.

Moreover, the number of new marriages in the U.S. declined by 5 percent between 2009 and 2010, a sharp one-year drop that may or may not be related to the sour economy, according to the Pew Research.

The United States is by no means the only nation where marriage has been losing “market share” in the past fifty years. The same decline has been observed in most other advanced post-industrial societies, and these long-term declines appear unrelated to the business conditions because they persist through good and bad business cycles.

In the United States, the declines are most dramatic among young adults (although they have occurred in all age groups) Today, just 20% of adults ages 18 to 29 are married, compared with 59% in 1960. Over the course of the past 50 years, the median age at first marriage has risen by about six years for both men and women.

The number of divorced clients seeking changes to their existing child support and alimony payments is increasing, according to a recent survey conducted by the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers (AAML).

Bad economic conditions induce many divorced spouses to either seek more money from ex-partners or try to reduce the amount they pay. Requests to increase alimony and child support payment amounts coincide with the worsening economic conditions. The number of clients requesting reduced child support and alimony payments also rose.

As job losses and pay cuts have increased, so have the requests for modified payment orders. 

 The AAML figures show that 39 percent of divorce attorneys acknowledged seeing a marked increase in recent child support modification orders and 42 percent saw a rise in the number of request to modify alimony payments, too. By comparison, just 5 percent of AAML attorneys reported a decrease in child support modifications and 6 percent reported a decrease in alimony modifications.

With longer lifetimes come higher aspirations for life – and for marital happiness — in the Golden Years. Among the over-60 set, the incidence of divorce has increased sharply—by 50 percent in just the past 10 years. Because many Baby Boomers want more from life than just the status quo, gray divorce, as it is called, now leads more couples to divorce court than ever before. Because these couples have had decades to build financial and emotional lives together—children, grandchildren, retirement funds, real estate assets and shared debt—divorce in the Golden Years can be far more complicated than divorce for younger people.

Key factors of concern for divorcing couples over age 60 include:

Financial: Many couples divorcing after 60 face shared expenses that depend primarily on one or the other’s current or past income. It can be particularly challenging to divide up assets equitably or calculate maintenance when one spouse was a stay-at-home parent for decades supporting the wealth creation of the bread-winning spouse.

Health: Along with the dependent income, many couples divorcing later in life share healthcare coverage and costs. This can present unique challenges that the divorcing couple must address, particularly the wife who was a stay-at-home mother. At the age of 60, it is still a few years before she eligible for Medicare on her own.

Pensions and Debt: Social Security is just one piece of the retirement puzzle. Spouses have a claim to each other’s pensions, and dividing those funds and debts can be challenging. A financial planner who specializes in divorce and the division of assets is essential when the divorcing couple have significant retirement assets, including pension plans, 401ks, Social Security.

Pain and Suffering: Divorce is nearly universally difficult and painful, but a divorce in the sunset years may bring out other emotions. These divorces can be traumatic to grown children. Divorcing couples over 60 often feel ashamed or embarrassed. Lifelong friendships can be at risk, because divorce makes the so-called “division of friendship” very difficult.

Divorce is different in the Golden Years. Living as a single person can also be more expensive. Impending retirements, medical needs and benefits, substantially larger assets, and emotional challenges bring all manner of difficulties. Financial planners, therapists, accountants, and a good attorney can be invaluable in navigating the additional complexities of starting anew in the sunset years.

Divorce does not just affect parents, or children but extended families as well. Grandparents often wonder if they even have rights to their grandchildren now that the parents have divorced. Living with the loss of not being able to see their grandchildren is unimaginable.

The Supreme Court case dealing with the issue of grandparents’ rights is Troxel v. Granville 530 U.S. 57 (2000). The Court in Troxel, asserted that parents have the exclusive legal right to raise the children and determine their children’s relationships with any third parties, including grandparents. In other words, parents cannot be forced to allow grandparents’ visitation except in special circumstances.

Taking parents to court will do very little to resolve any ongoing conflict that resulted in the estrangement in the first place. Mediation is an option if the custodial parent is not willing to agree on visitation for grandparents. A third party attempting to gain visitation should be able to prove that visitation is in the best interest of the child. Grandparents might be required to show that the child will suffer harm if visitation is taken away.

Suing the child’s custodial parent for visitation is not a decision to be taken lightly; feelings get hurt and even in the best possible outcomes, hurt feelings can mean a hardened heart. It is always best to try to work it out with the parent if at all possible.

Communication sometimes is best facilitated with a mediator. Additionally a mediator may be able to facilitate a resolution that all parties agree to and feel comfortable with. Positive communication not only works toward resolution of the instant litigation/visitation issue but also establishes healthy relationships between the parties and children.

Anyone filing for divorce must become familiar with the documents required in the jurisdiction where the action happens. Every state has somewhat different paperwork requirements. The best way do start is to check the county’s family court website, speak to the court clerk or consult with a family law attorney, and learn what documents must be filed. Uncontested actions lend themselves to pro se filing.

The route to an uncontested divorce is normally much shorter and smoother than one where one spouse files a reply contesting the action.

Many divorces that begin contested become uncontested as the action proceeds. While the names of the documents may vary, here are the documents that a normally filed in a divorce action:

> The Petition. The petition starts the action. The petitioner (who may be called the plaintiff) states the grounds for the divorce based on the state’s law. Often, in on-fault actions, the grounds are “irredeemable breakdown” or “incompatibility.” The petition also authenticates that the petitioner meets the residency requirement of the jurisdiction. It may include terms for the division of property, spousal and child support, and visitation. In some places, both spouses can file the divorce petition as part of a summary action.

> The Summons. The summons informs its respondent (who may also be called the defendant) of a scheduled court hearing in which attendance is expected, or gives him or her time to respond the petition. Usually when a party files a divorce petition, he or she also provides a partially completed summons, and the clerk fills in information such as the case number and the date of the hearing. Unless the petition was filed jointly, the filer must serve a copy of the petition and summons served on the other spouse in accordance with the service of process laws of the state.

> The Answer. Normally, the respondent – the party who receives the petition – files answer, which is sometimes called a reply. In the answer, the respondent agrees to the terms of the divorce or contests them. The answer serves to let the court no that he or she has received service and, in the event of a contest, that there is disagreement about the divorce, which must be settled according to the court rules and procedure.

> Financial Disclosures. After an answer is filed, the case may be slated for a variety of hearings. Pending this, both the petitioner and the respondent complete forms detailing individual and joint assets and liabilities, income and expenses. Financial disclosures determine the marital estate and to aid in its division. The format of these forms varies from one jurisdiction to another, but they normally require a variety of papers, such as tax returns, pay stubs, credit card statements and bills. If minor children are involved, even more documents may be required.

> Motion for Temporary Orders. The spouses and their attorneys may begin negotiations with each other, and one may ask the court for temporary rights, such as child custody or alimony, while the action works it way through the courts. This required motions requesting these specific temporary orders. The family law division of the court provides forms for these purposes; a family law attorney can also help draft them.

> Marital Settlement Agreement. Eventually, the couples reach an accord, which is called the marital settlement agreement. This spells out the terms and condition of the division – the division of the marital estate, spousal and child support and visitation. The marital settlement agreement is the agreement between spouses and becomes a court order. The court may have a form for this document, or it can be drafted separately.

According to Herb Guggenheim (who advanced the idea in a Mensa newsletter), there are only two social strategies that people use to negotiate: reciprocal altruism, which is an application of the Golden Rule to dispute negotiations, and what he terms “I’m Only in It for Myself,” which explains itself.

The reciprocal altruists abide the French saying, “You send the elevator up to me and I’ll send it back down to you.” The “I’m Only in It for Myself” are social Darwinists who “believe that while the inferior, weak people are busy being nice to each other, they will swoop down and take what they want, when they want, no matter what the consequences may be.”

In the strum und drung of divorce negotiations, the altruist and the Darwinist war within a party even as he or she negotiates with his or her partner.

In a divorce, a couple (and their lawyers) must at some point negotiate the terms and conditions of the settlement – the division and distribution of property and liabilities, alimony and child support, custody and visitation. Couples who can negotiate with each other save a great deal of time and money because negotiations conducted by lawyers become very expensive very quickly. Courts normally approve any settlement that is fair and reasonable.

That said, divorce negotiations often have a very low ignition point. Ideally, a couple negotiates when each spouse’s emotional temperature is equal; that is, both have accepted the divorce. Negotiations are not the time for assigning blame for the marital failure.

During negotiations, the spouses do well to remember the wisdom of a Pennsylvania family court judge who said that a fair settlement is one where neither party comes out happy. Another version of this is a fair settlement is not where neither party is happy but both can live with the result.

Sometimes, despite a person’s best effort, he or she becomes locked into foolish positions. For example, it makes very little sense to argue about a set of dishes that have been locked up in self-storage bin for years.

“If both parties use Reciprocal Altruism, the divorce can be settled rather handily,” writes James G. Gross, a Maryland lawyer. “If both are using I’m Only in It for Myself, then it seems they are destined to have a long and costly litigation. What happens if they are each using a different strategy? It seems to me, the I’m Only in It for Myself strategist will walk all over the Reciprocal Altruism strategist and end up with the better part of the marital assets.”