Adversarial divorce often brings out the worst in two people when they realize they just cannot live together anymore. But there is another way. Let’s say that because they have small children, a couple knows their best long-term interests require that they end their marriage in a decent, if not amicable, way. They must cross the bridge of divorce, so to speak, but not burn scorch the earth around it. Each spouse knows that after it’s over, each of them is going to need everything they have to start live anew as separated, single people. And both know that if each can give a bit, the marriage can be ended without further hurt to the children.

This couple should consider a collaborative divorce, a voluntary method that requires the consent of both parties and is not appropriate if one spouse is not open and honest about income and assets or other facets of the marriage. In a collaborative divorce, the lawyers for both spouses act as negotiators, and the parties, the two spouses and the two lawyers, work in face-to-face sessions to come to an agreement about the terms and conditions of the property settlement and spousal and child support. In collaborative divorce, the case must be settled, or the lawyers must withdraw.

A collaborative divorce costs much less than an action that goes on and on, or one that ends in a court trial.

In a written agreement, both spouses work together to end the marriage. That means there are no contested hearings or motions, no formal discovery, no “attack letters” between battling lawyers cheerleading their clients into a battle. Both parties agree to make a voluntary disclosure of all relevant financial information and when possible to use alterative dispute resolution methods.

Forthright divorce lawyers know that divorce litigation does damage that lasts a lifetime. Make no mistake, divorce is never easy; collaborative divorce is not fun. But it does offer a couple at the end of the road a way out of a marriage at less cost and with less emotional turmoil.

Annulments are not as easy as one might think. It tends to be far easier to obtain a divorce than a civil annulment. There are strict guidelines that need to be followed when attempting to obtain an annulment. In receiving an annulment basically the courts (and/or the church) is stating that the marriage never took place.

There are civil annulments and religious annulments and having your marriage annulled by one forum does not mean it is annulled in both. In fact, the annulment process is separate in both a civil and religious setting.

In any event, if you are seeking an annulment, arm yourself with as much information as possible. Seek the advice of an attorney and read as much as you can about annulments. You may not be afforded the option of a civil annulment but a religious annulment is a different issue and you can talk to your clergy regarding it.

Domestic Violence is not something to be taken lightly. If you believe you are a “victim” of domestic violence you must seek help. Trained professionals can only help if you are willing to let them.

There is no reason to feel ashamed. Even the best suffer from domestic violence. There are countless Hollywood stars crying domestic violence and getting a great deal of publicity for it. You do not want to be like the “stars” but if you believe you are a victim, then seek help, immediately.

There is nothing you did to deserve the violence being inflicted upon you. You did not say anything wrong or look at another person, domestic violence has less to do with the person that is on the receiving end of the violence. Domestic violence has everything to do with the person inflicting the hurt on another.

Each state has laws regarding domestic violence. There are shelters and women’s centers that offer help. There are many resources out there for those who are in the midst of a domestic storm.

Assets and debts need to be divided when divorcing. However, the amount of debt or asset one spouse wants may be discretionary as long as the parties agree to the division. In other words, if the parties agree, dividing the debt and assets is what you decide so long as it is “fair”. If you want to give your wife the house and just walk away, no questions asked, that is acceptable, so long as you know what you are doing and there is no duress or coercion. However, when drawing up the Marital Settlement Agreement, one issue a judge will look at is “fairness”. Dividing assets and/or debts does not necessarily need to be a 50/50 split, but the courts do not favor
one-sidedness. The court will want to know that the person taking on the debt with taking little in assets understands the consequences or responsibility with taking on such debt.

Additionally, the person taking the asset, such as a house, must remember that it may look good on paper, but can you really afford the upkeep of the house, mortgage, home owner’s insurance, taxes, maintenance of the home, etc. It may look as though you are coming out on the rosy side, but working the numbers is telling as to what is possible or not.

It is best when divorcing to work on a Marital Settlement Agreement that both parties can not only live with but afford. In the long run, what good comes if the home is lost to foreclosure and the party who took on the marital debt filed for bankruptcy and is free and clear of the marital debt?

Finally, remember that some creditors are not bound by the Marital Settlement Agreement agreed to by the parties. Joint and individual liability still exists for some creditors. It is best to know if the debt is in both names, just one parties’ name or if the credit card company, for example, is able to come after the ex-spouse for repayment.

Legal fees can be a necessary expense when contemplating divorce. However, how do you know if you are paying your lawyer too much and if they are doing what they claim to be doing for you?

Remember, every telephone call, letter, pleading (filing with the court), court appearance, research and even email is being charged to you. Divorce, custody and support cases can be very expensive for the parties involved. It is best if husband and wife can attempt to be civil and try to negotiate the details of division of property, custody, visitation, etc., before taking this to the lawyer.

Getting along, the best you can, will save both parties money in the long run. That is not to say a lawyer is necessary in all cases or that no one should get a lawyer, only you know if you need a lawyer or not. However, getting divorced is emotional enough without having money issues piled on top.

Trying to work together to end a marriage will be the easiest way to save money throughout the divorce. Hiring lawyers to “fight it out” will only cost you what little your “marital estate” may be worth. It is best if you both can negotiate rather than allowing the court to decide who should get what.

You’ve just inherited a large sum of money from your great-aunt Esther. Now, what to do with the funds. Do you place the money in a joint bank account? Do you keep the money separate, just in case since you and your spouse have had problems and contemplated divorce in the past? Or do you pay for the much needed roof and other upgrades on the marital home thinking you will get a higher selling price if you need to sell the home?

The first thing you need to understand is if the inheritance will fall under the Marital Property Act as community or separate property. Most states see an inheritance as separate property but some, do not. If an inheritance is seen as separate property you need to know if there are ways a state would see the inheritance as community property.

For the most part, as long as the inheritance is not used for the “benefit” of the marriage for you and your spouse, the funds should remain separate property. However, to protect the inheritance, you should seek the advice of a qualified financial expert and/or lawyer. Additionally, community property states may look at inheritances differently so it is very important that you know how the inheritance will be affected if a divorce should occur.

In the midst of a divorce mom may decide she needs to go to work and her best bet is in another state. She up and moves the children, starts her job and begins her new life. Dad is left in the state that the original divorce/custody papers are filed. What now?

Some states may require mom to move back to the original state pending custody resolution. Some states may even hold a hearing to determine if mom can relocate with the children, even if it is for the betterment of the family.

It is best to not relocate until you have custody resolved or at least both mom and dad agree on the relocation. Tearing a family apart even one state away can wreak havoc on the children. The courts will make their determination on relocation as to what is in the “best interest” of the children anyway so make sure moving isn’t being done for punishment.

When parents divorce, oftentimes the children are younger and possibly not even school age yet. They have not even thought about their child’s college support but in deciding to get married felt they wanted their child to attend post-secondary school. Now the marriage is unraveling and divorce is imminent. What to do about college expenses.

There is no set one way to come to terms of college support. Each state has their own way of dealing with college support and this “obligation”. If you want to make sure your child has a college education, this should be set out, in writing, as part of the divorce settlement/support obligation. If not, this support could possibly be lost.

It is best to discuss this issue with a lawyer or at the very least if both husband and wife are doing a pro se divorce, with each other and set forth specific details as to what is to be covered and what conditions should be placed on the child attending college. There are many different areas, including but not limited to the child’s attendance to classes enrolled in, living expenses, books, even doing laundry at school costs money. All the necessary expenses need to be addressed. Leave no stone un-turned in this area of support.

One issue that plagues divorcing couples is finances. Women, you need to know what finances go through the home. Do not fall victim to the “ignorance is bliss” attitude when it comes to finances. Letting your spouse take care of all the financial aspects of the marriage/household is fine but you must know about the finances should divorce ever become a possibility. If you do not know what debts or assets you have, how can you benefit from them? Or, what debts out there in your marriage can come back to haunt you?

Not knowing about your finances is an easy way to get taken to the cleaners. Your spouse can easily hide assets quickly as you never knew they existed. Arm yourself with knowledge, before the possibility of a divorce. You may never need the information, but what happens if you find yourself in need of it? Will your spouse willingly give up the financial information? You cannot bank on a friendly divorce. It is a goal to be sure, but not an absolute.

According to the Defense of Marriage Act in 1996, there is no agency of the federal government that recognizes same-sex marriages. However, on a state level, Massachusetts, California and Connecticut recognize same-sex marriages and Vermont, New Jersey, New Hampshire, Maine, Hawaii, Washington, DC, Oregon and Washington State created “legal unions” for same-sex couples wishing to have what could be termed a “marriage” with similar marriage rights or limited rights under marriage.

So now you are married. You and your spouse are having problems and want to seek a divorce. Is a same-sex couple afforded the same rights and/or responsibilities as a heterosexual couple when it comes to divorce? The answer is not as clear cut as one would think.

Since not all states recognize same-sex marriages, and no federal agency recognizes same-sex marriage, it is difficult to say how to best proceed with divorce. Seeking the advice of a lawyer who has experience in same-sex marriages or divorce would be very sapient. A lawyer who has experience in this field would be able to protect you in a divorce and advise you as to what you are or are not entitled to.