Archive for November, 2013

Divorce Recovery Means Pain and Suffering

Monday, November 18th, 2013

Even when divorce ends a bad marriage gone terribly wrong, a divorce does not make people happy. Pain and suffering are natural and inescapable consequences of any divorce. Even after the divorce, waves of pain and suffering shoot through consciousness, like the phantom pains in an amputated limb. Something hurts, but only the stump of memory remains. Sadness and anger, fear and anxiety, sorrow and denial — all race like alternating current, back and forth.

In the face of this, divorce recovery is a do-it-yourself project. Divorce recovery means acceptance and the ability to go forward. The ability to keep a perspective, a sense of humor (even a dark one), but in the end people recover by putting one foot in front of the other and living.


After a divorce, getting through the day often seems no small accomplishment. There is no single right way to survive a divorce; there is no universal right way to start over. A person does it by doing it. Even with help such as counseling and support groups, the surviving divorce is a self-help project. The ancient Greeks believed that the reward of suffering is experience, and so it is with divorce.

Change of Beneficiaries Should Not Be Forgotten

Wednesday, November 6th, 2013

As a rule, divorce does not effectively change a beneficiary designation unless the divorce decree makes a stipulation to change the beneficiary. It could be argued that the individual retirement account (IRA) owner wants the former spouse to remain the beneficiary of this IRA. Unless a court order states otherwise, the former spouse may be entitled to receive the assets if he or she is the named beneficiary on record at the time of the IRA owner’s death.

Assets with a designated beneficiary – life insurance, pension plans, IRAs, annuities, investment and bank accounts – bypass a will. Upon the death of the owner, they are paid to the person identified as a beneficiary.

After a divorce, naming the right beneficiary is very important.

If there are children and they are named beneficiaries, a court guardianship is established for the minors. Some people name the former spouse to manage the funds for the child until he or she achieves a majority, which is 18.