Archive for February, 2015

Remarriage after Divorce

Friday, February 20th, 2015

According to statistics, some 80% of divorcees marry again; however, the numbers for divorces from the second and, even third, marriage get worse and worse. Very often when a marriage flounders, one or both partners blame the other. “Because, they do not see themselves as responsible for the previous marriage ending. Generally, they are more likely to believe their partner’s behaviors caused the divorce, and minimize the influence of their own actions.”

People who can accept their part of the responsibility for the marital failure of the first marriage have a better chance making the second marriage work. Before a second trip to the altar, a person should take a look – a hard look — at his or her behavior in the last marriage. It doesn’t matter what the former spouse did; no doubt he or she played a part. By facing the faults of the face in the mirror, however, a person who can do this can be a part of the group whose remarriage is successful.

Some of the faults may have been a reaction to a spouse’s personality; some faults are going to stress a marriage no matter what the other person’s personality might be.

Many people believe that divorce is too easy and the ease of divorce reflects “a disposable culture where everything from water bottles to cars gets thrown away.” The culture of extreme individualism encourages the cult of self. “Individualists promote the exercise of one’s goals and desires and so value independence and self-reliance while opposing most external interference upon one’s own interests, whether by society, family or any other group or institution, according to the dictionary. ” Individualism says “It’s all about me”; a successful marriage says “It’s all about us.”

The Personal Things a Divorce Lawyer Needs to Know

Wednesday, February 4th, 2015

In a divorce action, lawyers need to know everything about their clients. Everyone has secrets and in divorce secrets have a way of percolating to the surface. In a divorce, particularly an angry contested action, nothing is sacred, or secret.

Things that even a close friend may not know — a torrid affair, for example — have an uncanny way of coming out in a divorce. The secrecy of these little tidbits — embarrassing, illegal, or wrong things that many people have done — allow people to look at others with a straight face.

With luck, these will not be launched into the cyber-world by the other spouse, or come up in a custody evaluation, or play out in the courtroom; when custody is in dispute, everybody and everything seems to be fair game. A client needs to anticipate that a secret will not remain so, and trust his lawyer with the skeletons in the closet. A lawyer need to know about any past or present illegal drug use and/or addiction issues; the use of any anti-depressants or mental health diagnoses or treatments; romantic involvements; childhood trauma, such as molestation, or a juvenile delinquency history; any income tax evasion; any unusual sex desires; any criminal acts and what the spouse knows about them spouse knows about them.

To be effective, the divorce lawyer needs to help the client properly characterize these items and not let them be used to obscure the merits of a legal position. The last place lawyer wants to hear about any of thee transgressions is from someone other than his client. Without a good rebuttal, the case may be lost.