Trust is an important characteristic for any relationship. If you have trust, then you have the base for a good parenting relationship going forward. The trust needs to extend past the safety of your child to trusting that the other parent is trying hard to be a good parent, following your parenting plan, parenting values, morals, etc.

Often times trust does not exists between the parents, due to the marital breakdown. If this becomes your situation, do not be alarmed. Allow for the trust to recreate itself within the new parenting relationship. This is a new relationship you are building, so you should try to give the other parent an opportunity to gain your trust.

Strategies and Tactics to Establish Trust.

- Be on time for all meetings or visitation drop-offs and pick-ups.

- Return telephone calls promptly.

- Give straight forward and honest answers to questions asked about your child by the other parent.

- Cooperate (not necessarily agree) with the other parent as much as possible throughout the divorce process.

- Compliment the other parent on his or her parenting abilities or responsibilities.

In doing the above, you hope that these actions are reciprocated by the other parent. Please remember that trust is not something that is established overnight.

Many custodial parents wish this to become true. Be careful what you wish for, especially when it has more of an affect on your life and your child’s that you can even begin to imagine. The last thing you should ever want is for the other parent to become uninvolved. Be glad that you and your child have the support of the other parent, even if it is minimal. All children deserve the opportunity, if possible, to have two parents growing up.

Unfortunately the statistics show that after a divorce and/or separation has taken place that a large percentage of the non-custodial parents become at least partially uninvolved in the life of his or her child. Parental desertion can be caused by many different things, so it is tough to actually provide a perfect remedy for getting the uninvolved parent back on track.

Your child can overcome the trauma of losing a parent, so long as you continue to provide as much positive support as possible. Look to friends and relatives for any extra support you and your child may need. The experience of divorce and/or separation is tough enough on your child, let alone losing a relationship with a parent he or she loves. Do not expect to completely replace the shoes of the uninvolved parent, but keep working as hard as you can to do so!

Strategies and Tactics for the Uninvolved Parent

- Try to figure out what is causing the other parent to be uninvolved. Is it drugs/alcohol? a new relationship? health reasons, etc.?

- If you can narrow in on what the reason for the non-involvement is, try to reason with the non-involved parent, but be sure to always keep your child’s best interest in the forefront of all decisions.

- Do not criticize the estranged parent for not being involved. Criticism will only drive him or her father away. Do everything you can to say positive things to reinforce that your child wants him or her to be a part of the child’s life.

- Do not get down on yourself for not being able to do the job of two parents. If you allow yourself to get down, you will only be postponing your child’s recovery.

- Read a few books on “Single Parenting”. This will give you a lot of helpful tips that you won’t have to learn the hard way. There are so many great resources that will help you save time, energy, and money for your child.

When a court is forced to make a decision on child custody, they primary focus of the court is to establish and arrangement that is in the best interest of the children. In making this decision, the court will often refer to a list of factors that are to be considered prior to making the final custody order. This list of factors does vary from state-to-state, but most states address the following:

(1) The realtionship each parent has had with the child;

(2) The ability each parent has to provide for the child on a daily basis;

(3) The current and future housing arrangement;

(4) The willingness of each parent to cooperate with the other to allow for an ongoing relationship with both parents;

(5) Any evidence of abuse;

(6) The age of the child;

(7) The child’s wishes;

(8) The education of the child;

Physical custody is simply defined as the parent with whom the children will reside with. If a custody order is structured with a shared or joint physical custody arrangement, this means that the children will actually reside with both parents for a period of time that far out ways the typical overnight visitation schedule (50-50 or 60-40 etc.). This type of custody arrangement is not the norm, but more and more parents are exploring as an option, especially if they intend to live close to one another and within the same school district.

The courts are only willing to award a custody arrangement like this if it seems as though the parents can work together and it is deemed to be in the best interest of the children. You can only imagine how a shared or joint physical custody arrangement could be difficult on the children. The courts like to see a schedule in which the children live with each parent for a significant block of time. This way a routine will remain in tact for the children.

Before introducing this type of arrangement to your spouse or the courts, be sure to examine whether or not it is truly feasible. Also, do not get joint physical custody confused with joint legal custody which is a more common type of joint custody that is awarded.

The topic of child relocation is one that comes up rather often.

Most states they have limited the freedom the primary custodial parent has to just freely move with the child(ren) upon his or her own will. The strict rules that are set in place to prevent relocation without permission are done so to protect the rights of the non-custodial or secondary resident parent. One must keep in mind that the other parent did not divorce his or her child(ren).

That being said, the courts do realize that all situations are very unique and this is why certain factors are addresses when a request to relocate is made. It is the job of the requestor or the moving parent to prove to the judge court that it is in the best interest of the child that the move takes place.

You should also keep in mind that the farther the distance the more difficult it will be to have the judge grant permission, especially if the other parent has been even somewhat consistent with the visitation schedule.

1. Whether the move would be likely to improve the general quality of life for both the residential parent and the child.

2. The extent to which visitation rights have been allowed and exercised.

3. Whether the primary residential parent, once out of the jurisdiction, will be likely to comply with any substitute visitation arrangements.

4. Whether the substitute visitation will be adequate to foster a continuing meaningful relationship between the child and the secondary residential parent.

5. Whether the cost of transportation is financially affordable by one or both parties.

6. Whether the move is in the best interests of the child.