First Time After Divorce

The following information is provided by Tomi Tuel, Author of 101 Things I Learned After My Divorce.

There will be many “firsts” after your divorce. Maybe you’ve washed the dishes a few hundred times before, but there will be a first time that you’ve washed the dishes after your divorce is final. When you look at it that way, everything you do will be a first. It’s because your life is truly beginning over.

Some of these firsts will be reasons to celebrate and some will be reasons to cry. Nonetheless, they are what bring us closer to our closure.

Most of these firsts are uncomfortable for us as it should be. After all, we are doing these things for the first time. It’s like being reborn as an adult. There’s no time to graduate into each phase like we do from childhood to adolescence to adulthood. You are bombarded with all the new things, and it may feel a bit overwhelming. The learning curve is steep, but as you do these things over and over again it will become familiar and natural.

Then you change again. It starts to feel good to do things alone, such as:

- The first major purchase without your ex (not needing their approval to spend money)
- The first time you have the house truly to yourself
- The first time you can decorate your house the way you want
- The first time you realize laundry for one is fun
Then something changes again. You realize it would be nice to have that extra load of laundry to do, or have someone around to have an input on the way your house looks, or someone who cared enough to question your purchases. These are the pains of the healing process. Eventually you will find your middle ground.

Divorce First Times to Learn From...