Archive for March, 2006

The Non-custodial Parent Becoming Uninvolved in Your Child’s Life

Monday, March 27th, 2006

Many custodial parents wish this to become true. Be careful what you wish for, especially when it has more of an affect on your life and your child’s that you can even begin to imagine. The last thing you should ever want is for the other parent to become uninvolved. Be glad that you and your child have the support of the other parent, even if it is minimal. All children deserve the opportunity, if possible, to have two parents growing up.

Unfortunately the statistics show that after a divorce and/or separation has taken place that a large percentage of the non-custodial parents become at least partially uninvolved in the life of his or her child. Parental desertion can be caused by many different things, so it is tough to actually provide a perfect remedy for getting the uninvolved parent back on track.

Your child can overcome the trauma of losing a parent, so long as you continue to provide as much positive support as possible. Look to friends and relatives for any extra support you and your child may need. The experience of divorce and/or separation is tough enough on your child, let alone losing a relationship with a parent he or she loves. Do not expect to completely replace the shoes of the uninvolved parent, but keep working as hard as you can to do so!

Strategies and Tactics for the Uninvolved Parent

- Try to figure out what is causing the other parent to be uninvolved. Is it drugs/alcohol? a new relationship? health reasons, etc.?

- If you can narrow in on what the reason for the non-involvement is, try to reason with the non-involved parent, but be sure to always keep your child’s best interest in the forefront of all decisions.

- Do not criticize the estranged parent for not being involved. Criticism will only drive him or her father away. Do everything you can to say positive things to reinforce that your child wants him or her to be a part of the child’s life.

- Do not get down on yourself for not being able to do the job of two parents. If you allow yourself to get down, you will only be postponing your child’s recovery.

- Read a few books on “Single Parenting”. This will give you a lot of helpful tips that you won’t have to learn the hard way. There are so many great resources that will help you save time, energy, and money for your child.

Building Your Child’s Relationship With the Other Parent

Tuesday, March 21st, 2006

As a single parent you must understand that due to time and circumstance you have no control over what kind of relationship your child will have with the other parent. You can attempt to influence your child to have a poor relationship, or no relationship at all, with the other parent, but nine times out of ten the child will eventually realize that he or she has been manipulated or persuaded. There are some obvious circumstances that would involve relationship intervention and those would be, domestic abuse, drug and alcohol problems, and mental instability just to name a few. If there is no physical or mental risk, positive reinforcement of any parenting relationship should exist from both parents.

Common issues that cause one parent to not want a child to have a relationship with the other parent.

- Child Support Issues

- Visitation Issues

- Step-family Issues

- Religious Issues

- Educational Issues

- Drug/Alcohol Abuse

- New Relationships

Common emotions that cause one parent to not want a child to have a relationship with the other parent.

- Jealousy - Wants to be the favorite parent.

- Revenge - Using the child to get back at the other parent.

- Insecurity - Afraid to be without the child.

Sharing Financial Concerns With Your Child During Divorce

Wednesday, March 15th, 2006

Sharing your feelings with your child during the divorce and/or separation is highly recommended, but you should limit it to those other than financial concerns and emotional feelings towards the other parent.

Separated parents can not live as cheaply together as apart, so it is inevitable that you and your child will be financially affected by the new conditions. As a parent it is your job, especially through this experience, to provide security and stability for your child, so the consistent mentioning of financial troubles will greatly lessen that sense of security and stability. Your goal should be to protect your child from as many worries as possible, especially those that are financial related. Friends, relatives, and/or support groups are the best outlet for discussing any financial problems you may have.

Strategies and Tactics to Ease the Financial Burden of Your Child:

- Have someone to talk to about emotional and financial burdens. Have these discussions in a place away from your child.

- When assigning new responsibilities to your child, make sure your child is mature enough for the task and the new responsibility does not carry a financial burden.

- Discuss or negotiate the financial situation with the other parent when your child is not present.

- Never blame the other parent for the financial problems in front of your child. This will place your child in a vulnerable, no-win position.

From Separation to Divorce

Tuesday, March 7th, 2006

During the separation period, that time prior to the divorce, there are several do’s and dont’s that are highly recommended by most divorce lawyers. Of course each case is unique, but in most situations you are better safe than sorry.

First. Make sure all joint bank and credit card accounts have been closed or frozen. This will prevent you or your spouse from dissipating marital assets. The court does not look fondly upon this action, and will certainly penalize the spouse that does so.

Second. Try to secure your own means of financial support. If you need to rely on friends or family until the divorce is final then do so.

Third. Do not date or live with your boy or girlfriend. This could easily hurt your case, especially if your are involved in a custody battle or are being accused of adultery or abandonment.

Fourth. If you have hired a divorce lawyer, make sure you tell him or her everything. Leaving things out, will ultimately end up being a surprise in court which your lawyer will not be prepared for.

Comparing your child to the other parent in a negative way

Wednesday, March 1st, 2006

Comparing your child to the other parent in a negative way is the quickest and easiest way to do the most emotional harm to your child. Let’s analyze the situation. You are no longer going to living with and/or be married to the other parent, therefore your child perceives the obvious, you do not love the other parent anymore or at least there is something certainly wrong with the relationship. You proceed to compare your child to the other parent in a negative way, which causes your child to come to the conclusion that you do not love him or her anymore for the same reasons you do not love the other parent. The negative comparisons are, distancing you from your child, putting your child in another no-win situation, and diminishing his or her self-esteem.

Positive statements and comparisons can make all the difference in the world for your child. If you and or the other parent agree to promote each other in a kind manner, the benefits for your child will be insurmountable and you can be assured you are doing a great justice for your child during this difficult time.